Shamone!

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Michael Jackson, the king of pop, was traditionally seen on stage with one hand in the air or holding a microphone and one hand on his…member. With a mighty thrust he would accentuate the pivotal moments of his music, then casually backup through the smoke by means of a moonwalk. If you ask someone how they would dress up as him for a costume party, they might say, a black leather jacket a la “Bad”, or a shiny red v-shaped jacket to resemble his zombie transformation in “Thriller”. One thing that will likely persist across the many variations is his preference for wearing a single glove, because (as stated on quora.com) “less is more”.

It is common knowledge that Jackson passed on in the year 2009 but is not so common knowledge that his spirit remains on this planet. It remains in a country which can statistically be proven to not exist – Finland. In a country where nothing is stolen, excluding bikes, items will remain on the streets for days or weeks. Walking through the forgotten city of Kouvola, I have seen many instances of this. Single, lonely, forgotten gloves are left behind. They are not quite as extravagant as Jackson’s past attire but then again, Finns are often reluctant to call attention to themselves, so maybe he was just blending in.

I interviewed one of the locals who also noticed this phenomenon – Anna Pihlainen of Tampere:

When was the first time you saw these single gloves?

“They have been there since I was born. There is an actual fence where all the mittens are put up to.”

Where is this fence?

“Finlayson in Tampere.”

So, you’re saying there is a connection between Michael Jackson and comfortable sheets?

“No, haha, Finlayson the area, not the shop. But who doesn’t like cozy sheets?”

This might seem unrelated, but in what year were you born?

“That’s an odd question…1997…why?”

Great Scott! That is the year Jackson performed in Helsinki!

“Coincidence? I think not! Illuminati confirmed.”

My thoughts exactly.

Triangulating anecdotal evidence with speculation I have confirmed without a doubt that these gloves are the work of the deceased pop legend. But the question is – why did he do it? Maybe to remind us that life should be simplified in order to enjoy it. Maybe he wanted to teach Finnish residents how to walk on the ice – backwards, with a stylish shuffle. Maybe he really wanted “Annie” to tell us that she was okay, akin to your roommate leaving a sock on his or her doorknob. But my money is on this explanation: after all the years of heat on him, he just wanted to relax in the cold, underneath the Northern Lights.

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