Ways to get off your donkey

Eons ago… the first man-like creatures began to walk on two legs, hunting for nourishment. Crafting rudimentary weapons, they surrounded their targets. Risking their lives, and sacrificing those of their prey, just for a chance to eat that day. Literally living by a “deadline”, these ground-walkers would wait for the perfect chance, planning and building the ideal gateway for attack, to stave off starvation.

Records of both their failures and victories have been preserved, not on paper but within our minds, even to this day. Luckily for the readers of Insider, Leif Heflin was tasked with an in-depth analysis on the phenomenon of procrastination, so he swam to Antarctica to do an ethnographic study on physics students at McMurdo Station. His two years of avanto had finally paid off. He took a daily record of the behaviors and the various students and formed some conclusions as a result. Here is an excerpt from his journal:

Buy new clothes

Students don’t have access to an unlimited expendable income. They need things to be cheap, but they also want to be presentable and social. Buying one new article of clothing every two weeks will result in a continuously improving wardrobe. It sets a limited time for clothes shopping so that you will neither neglect nor pamper this burden on your wallet. They should be buying items with a high cotton to polyester ratio so that their clothes last longer and we throw away less. The act of setting a schedule can program the brain into obedience. With all these newer, higher quality clothes we undoubtedly need to show them off at parties.

Go to parties

Going to parties has many benefits from creating networks, to gaining perspective, and even exercising. When mulling over how to write a paper we overwork our intrapersonal intelligence without giving any love and affection to our interpersonal skills. Being in a different environment around people where only the present is at hand can help our mind to detach and when pressure is taken away, ideas can flow smoother than a river of butter. By continuously practicing the art of discussion students can boost their confidence through interpersonal learning. In between drinks it will benefit the body and the mind to hit the dancefloor and shake your ass to the music. Dancing builds muscles, breaks social barriers, and gives surrender to the DJ who ultimately controls your auditory senses for the night.

Fully immerse yourself in a work of art

If you are a music junkie, then grab some headphones and load up your favorite album; not a playlist, an album. An album is a complete thought and will help to organize your own into cohesion. Turn off all the lights in your room, lie down on your bed and press play.

If you are a Mountain Dew and Dorito junkie, load up your favorite single player game and play one full hour. A multiplayer online environment will only scatter your mind further, but a single-player campaign with the ability to fail (and try again) will bring confidence and critical thinking skills.

If you are a film junkie, then watch one movie. Movies take years to produce and require tremendous patience for success. Dedicating yourself to one activity, one fully developed thought, will let your brain focus on tasks for longer.

Engaging in a creation will give you random shots of inspiration for your own work. So why not give back to the world? Create music, film, games, or whatever your art may be. Philosophers can fine tune theories, business people can create a long-awaited alternative to the business model canvas, and interior designers can craft miniature layouts with cardboard. If you have a passion for it, then it is art.

During the observation, one of the physicists approached Heflin. His eyes darted back and forth as he skimmed the notes of the journalist.

“If you have a passion for it, then it is art? Are you kidding me with this nonsense?” shouted the rational physicist “We don’t need to be distracting ourselves with mindless tasks! The key to overcoming procrastination is simply to do chunks of given assignments on each day so that it does not pile up.”

“Well I did observe this with the clothes shopping. It is weird how some days physics students show up with 1 new sock, but I think I’m starting to get it… but then again, from what I observed, the best ideas came from those who did not isolate themselves with their assignments. We are not machines – after all, we do share 50% of our genetics with bananas.” stated a humble Leif.

“Students just need to improve their workflow. Focus less on parties and more on work. We are students to study, not to party. Why did you avoid your assignment and travel all the way to Antarctica? Why here?!” Replied the angrily confused physicist.

“I came to the end of the earth, to the most patient of souls, to observe a life with no distractions. My research has pointed me a perplexing direction, by allowing one distraction, the distraction becomes the task and the task becomes the distraction. Conversely by having one routine task which still gives a dopamine boost will program your brain to get used to schedules and planning.

The human brain avoids assignments like the plague but inhales distractions like cocaine. Dionysus was the god of ecstasy and ritual madness and he, like all Greek gods, represented a part of us. It is in our nature to have fun and to let go every so often. Keeping it built up just leads to an unfulfilled life. Trying to censor reality will only lead to a stronger revol-“

This argument continued until Leif realized that his word count was up, and the editor told him to focus. The article was finished without him even realizing it.