A Whole New Burn

Cover Story, Features

Close your eyes, hold out your hand, and come on an enchanted rug flight with me.


I can show you a room.

Sweating, shimmering, dripping.

Tell me, grasshopper, now do you know

From where sisu derives?


I can make your heart rate rise

Take you to the liquid tundra

Dip your head just under

For a pain I can’t describe


A whole new burn

A brand-new gift from me to you

No clothes to cover you

Just let it show

Or say we’re only steaming


A whole new burn

A hearty taste you never knew

Grilling my makkara

It’s crunchy meat

That goes well with your bear-brand beer

It goes well with my bear-brand beer?


Unavoidable sights

Unobtainable breathing

Tingling, jingling, we’re mingling

And you’ll swear your ass is high


A whole new burn

Won’t ruin the surprise

A hundred Celsius degrees

Hold your breath – here’s the löyly

It’s like a shooting star!

You throw so far!

Oh my, you’re so nice for inviting me.